How Men Think About Love, Part 1

Looking to attract a guy?  Want to know ways to attract men (the right kind of men?)  Are you dating a man and want to know what men want  in a woman they are willing to marry or be serious about? Want to know how men think about love?

If you want to get a guy (the right guy), find the right guy, be with the right guy, love the right guy, enjoy the right guy or get to the point where you are loving and in love with the right guy then let’s travel to a place where men don’t talk about much but they have a lot to say or think within themselves. Let me give you some of our no-holds-barred relationship advice.


As I spend time watching, observing, conducting workshops, coaching and asking questions about love to men, women, married couples and those who are involved in committed relationships around the country – here is what I’m finding out:

Women would like to know, why men just won’t get into the love thang (thing) like they do. In the mind of a woman it’s like:

  1. Why is he struggling with love? What do men really want in a woman — the real love stuff or the love that he’s never had.
  2. Why does he struggle with my love? The stuff that only I can give him and that he can’t get from anyone else but me.
  3. Why is it that he doesn’t want to love me the way that I love him or the way that I have been, loving him? I know I am good, the truth and the candy that he likes for flavor.  Why is it so hard to attract a guy who loves me back?
  4. What is his problem? It’s like I know what guys want but I don’t know what guys REALLY want because he is saying one thing but then doing something else.
  5. Okay, I give him the best of my love and this is what I get in return? Oh no, it is time for this love thang (thing) to stop.


Many women would appreciate it if a man would at least act like he wants a little bit of that kind of love — like they (women) do.

You might be wondering, well exactly what kind of love is – “that kind of love” to a man? Well here it goes!

Men do want to love, fall in love, grow in love, look for love and loving but how they love is a different story and song! And again I say, the way they love is a different story and song. How often they love is a different story and song. And even who they love can/could be a different story and song.

As you get to know your man better and better, let me give you some tips to attract men (and hold them).  Make sure of a couple of things:

1. He explains what love means to him. Let me give you some more relationship advice: You must come to a place where you know that it is about him then you, you then him and then the two of you. It’s just how men are wired.

  • Far too often, women guess when they should ask questions. Or, they don’t ask the right questions to get the right answers from their man. Think before you ask, so that when you do ask, it is or they are the right questions for your man.
  • Men have also been in love before, hurt before, wounded before and have been through a little something something to go with their something else.
  • Men have their own story to tell too and maybe you need to take a minute and find out what that is, so that you will know what you are dealing with for sure, from the door and as it mixes with your future.

2.  He talks to you about his story of love – and believe you me he has one. Stop thinking that just because your man does not run his mouth all the time and say a lot of stuff about love and relationships and loving and romantic stuff and mushy stuff – that he doesn’t have a love story to tell.

3. If he doesn’t know or even understanding where you are, are you okay with knowing that his love journey may have been entirely different than yours? And that it was a man’s love journey and not a woman’s love journey.

YES MEN LOVE DIFFRENTLY THAN WOMEN – And they express it differently oftentimes too! Get this — really get this — and it will change your life forever.


Again, men love differently than women and women love differently than men. And yet, there are times when they kind-of hit the love thing together too.

As I said on my Facebook Page on Right Choice, Right Relationship, Right Reasons, “If a woman tells you that she loves you, you can take that to the bank. Just get your balance slip before you leave, or you might find out that, it was only until you started messing up. If a man tells you that he loves you, always ask him, what do you mean by that? You might be a tad bit surprised at what you hear next.”


Definitions are everything to you but…

You see it works like this: definitions are rarely spoken by men but are used by them very often in an action oriented way. Men love sex and they love sex and they love sex and they love sex and they love sex. Oops! Did you get what I am trying to say? So this means that there are times when the sex is the love and the love is the sex.

This does not mean that men don’t or won’t act on their definitions of love but action is where a man lives (Hear that and hear me!). And men define love so much differently than women however; you know that already and by now, right.

Do yourself a favor and ask yourself some questions in route to getting your answers because of your man’s Himistry ™.

  1. Does my man love me for real, for sure, for himself, for me, for the children, for the sake of the marriage, our relationship or for other reason(s)?
  2. How does my man show or prove his love for me?
  3. When does my man show, act like or demonstrates privately or publicly that he loves me?
  4. What is it about me that my man loves?
  5. Is my man the loving kind (by nature) or is it hard for him to show the mental and emotional side to his love and loving?
  6. Did my man get love from his father, mother or family when he was growing up?
  7. Does my man know what to do with genuine love as I give it to him? Or, is he doing what he heard or saw on television or something?
  8. Can my man love me and does he really have what it takes to love me the way I need to be loved? Or, am I just thinking that he has it and he really doesn’t?
  9. Okay, so he does or did say that he loves me but, what did he mean when he said it? Let’s see let me pick one: When he said, “I love you” did he mean?
  • I love your person/personality
  • I love the way you think or your mental savvy
  • I love you sensually and sexually
  • I love you emotionally
  • I love the way you do what you do and how you do it for me
  • I love you because, I know you want me to say that I love you
  • I love you because I love you and there is no one else out there in the world that I want to love or experience this kind of love the way that I need it, want it and get it from you
  • I love you because of what you have (finances and fame) and I want some of it


At some point whether you can handle it or not, you need to know: WHAT A MAN MEANS OR WHAT YOUR MAN MEANS WHEN HE SAYS, “I love you”.

When a man is getting all of the goodies, all of the good stuff that you have been waiting to give to that special someone and the lovemaking is off the chain, it could be that what he means by love and what you mean by love are just two different things. And a man will ask himself quick fast and in a hurry: Is it necessary to let this love (knowledge, growth and next level) develop any further if, I am already getting everything that I want?



(Just remember that saying I love you and doing the love is another story):

  1. Hey baby, I love you because…
  2. Girl, just looking at you makes me love you…
  3. Now come on, you know how much I love you right?
  4. Who else do I love more than you?
  5. Stop asking me if I love you, you know what’s up, right?
  6. Why wouldn’t I love you?
  7. Of course I love you
  8. We love each other don’t we?


It’s your turn to write me a comment and tell me what you think.  Or to tell me does this match your experiences as a woman, or as a man that has to deal with this with a woman. I’m waiting!

You can get more video based training from our Project Manhood website.


Darrell V. Freeman, M.A. has a Master’s Degree from Moody Graduate School, is the author of 8 books, the Founder of Joshua Counseling Center, and is a nationally-recognized keynote speaker, pastor, and workshop leader for men, couples and youth. His latest book is: What Men Want (The 30 Top Things Men Want from Women), he has also written Your Choice Is Your Trouble, that details in a no-holds-barred way how to move on after the choices you’ve made. Darrell Made # 1 on Google’s Top 10 List for How Men Think.

He is the Training Director for Project Manhood; the former Relationship Trainer for Professional Counseling Resources in Delaware and taught their Relationship Makeover Program and other dynamic courses.

Darrell has trained and spoken to thousands of men throughout the country and even helped to bring one conference from 300 to 2,000 plus male participants. See his Facebook page under Right Choice, Right Relationship, Right Reasons or follow him on Twitter and Linkedin.


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